My penis is peeling.  I went to the bathroom and noticed something not right on my member.  You always have to check out your private area to make sure nothing has changed or that no new things have just popped up.  Anyway, after careful examination, it wasn't anything more than a sign that I needed to get in the shower and wash my ass....and penis. 

I'm normally a very clean guy, but after the Michael Jackson Memorial Service today, I was kinda out of it.  I thought it was a beautiful ceremony, and Al Sharpton shut it down, but I hadn't cried that much since the last time I watched Cooley High.  So afterward, I turned the TV off and just went to sleep.  Then a couple hours later, I awoke abruptly like an alarm clock went off.  I got this surge of energy and I got up, took  my laptop to Starbucks and was able to write for a couple more hours, uninterrupted.

It's hard to do anything uninterrupted in the house with Thelma and Florida from Good Times constantly calling you to do something like you're JJ Evans.  We don't live in projects, and my mom & grandmother are prettier than them, but they are always wrecking my flow.  They don't understand the life of a writer.  When inspiration hits, you gotta go with it and it is frustrating when my rhythm is messed up so my grandmother can tell me how she paid 25 cents for paper plates with her coupons.

But I'm not complaining.

My penis is fine and I just have to get out of the house to write with no interruptions. 

Simple

My self imposed hiatus turned into a forced one because writer's block had settled in in the worst way. I couldn't even write my name on a check to pay for my damn groceries.  It's horrible when your livelihood is based on coming up with fresh, innovative ideas and you come up blank. Not good. Not good at all.

I think this all started after I found out someone had plagerized my work.  This loser stole one of my writings and took full credit for it.  There is no way to verbalize how violated you feel when you read words that came from your thoughts, imagination and see someone else's name on the byline.

My mom said I should take it as a compliment because imitation is the biggest form of flattery, or some shit.  But he didn't just borrow some phrases or a couple of sentences. He stole the entire article. The wheels are already set in motion to expose his ass for low life he is, but in the meantime, I'm still pissed.

It's a cutthroat world ya'll.  Protect ya neck.

I'll be around.

I've had the migraine from hell all weekend long, but today is the worse.  I have not been out of the bed all day except to use the bathroom.

It sucks.

But something has been bothering me for a while, and I didn't think I would ever feel the need to go there.  I don't take anything too seriously.  When you stress out and get all emotional about small things, you create unnecessary drama that really only affects you.  But this has been weighing on me for a while.

I'm questioning my place here.  I love to write and back in 2004 my dear friend Adrienne introduced me to xanga.  I fell in love with the community because you could write about anything that was on your mind, develop a following of people who would leave clever comments on your issue or story, and you'd go to their page and return the love.

After a brief hiatus, I came back and xanga had change drastically.  Not only did most of the people I subscribed to disappear, it was a whole new school of folk that I didn't know at all.  And quite honestly I could not relate.  It's like the goal was no longer to give personal accounts from ones life, but to compete to be featured, have the most comments, or be one of the top blogs.

The truth is none of that is important to me. I write as an outlet, not to be some fake ass eCelebrity.  No offense if that is your purpose for being on here. I was able to find a few people who I really enjoy reading and look forward to them having new weblogs.  I would love to name drop, but this isn't me trying to hurt somebodies feelings or start a debate of who's xanga is best.  I graduated high school a long time ago.  It's just that I miss the old days of xanga, and, with the exception of a few, I don't feel I'm understood that well on here. 

Like I said, I started this for myself. I love writing, always will, and if you like what I write, even better. If you don't, that's great too.  It's not about you. I won't do any of the things certain xangans say will get you featured or any of that shit.  At that point I'm no longer writing for me. It becomes about being popular and featured.

I'll continue to write on here when I have something to say, but I'm definitely looking for my own domain.  And even if nobody ever comes to my page, I still write and feel happy that a piece of me and my passion is out there for the entire world to see.

That's all.

Updated:  Decided to allow comments.